I am against drugs like alcohol, narcotics and smoking. Why? Since they have affected my life negatively.
When I was a young person, living at home, with my mum and stepfather they drank and smoked in the living room. They brought friends along. I was not even a teenager.
The male friends to my my stepfather where to touching, wanting to hug and being all clingy. It was discussing. They smelled tobacco and alcohol. They where not nice.
My stepfather drank every weekend, from Friday to Saturday. His eyes where always blank during the weekend and he hit me with force. He got annoyed with anything really. I couldn’t even hold up the door to the fridge while I put butter on my sandwiches. If I did, I wasted the environment and electricity. For that I was beaten and yelled at. I don’t mind yelling, but the beating was pretty unnecessary.
He could beat me up for anything. He was annoyed every week mostly at me. So I didn’t want to be home. But the man forced me to be locked up in my room, not allowed to go outside, except the bathroom or kitchen when needed. No outdoor play. I had so called “home arrest”. I was a prisoner in my own home. I don’t even remember what I supposingly did. Well, this was common, to be strained on what I could do or not do. I wasn’t allowed to shew with open mouth and so on. Nothing wrong with having rules, but if I broke them I got beaten often. This was my childhood really, being beaten from the time I was 8 years old til I was 13.
I tried to be at my friends often. I never took home friends, more than on a birthday. Very strange right? So a kid that doesn’t want to bring home friends… well, now you know one reason why. They might have angry parents. Well. Anyway. The beating was more when he drank.
When he went to parties with work or friends they often had to call my mum and me, to come and get him. He was often too drunk. He then crawled on the floor like a baby, in his own puke… I have just seen the bad from bad people drinking. I cannot stand people drinking being close to me. No kisses, no hugs or any contact what so ever. One bear and you are out of my comfort zone. I don’t like people touching me. I freeze up when unwelcome people touch me. I will fucking hit you in the face if you are an adult that touches me in an unwelcome way. So don’t ever touch me you fuck. That is how I feel about unwelcome touches. I don’t like the subway or the dance floor because some people can touch you sometimes. I cannot stand it. So don’t fucking touch me. Ask.
Then he also did alcohol illegally in our closet. I never told anyone. But he was a criminal. He knew what he did, he had education enough to do it safely. He then sold it to kids out in the city. That is how he earned more money, but I never saw that money. We where mostly just a poor family. I never saw that money really. Well. So he made drinking accessible to young adults and teenagers. Illegal alcohol. Then he made my life a living hell, being beaten and mentally abused. He said I would become nothing. I guess I never really have. He wasn’t the only one that abused me. But I am thinking if he didn’t drink, perhaps my childhood had been a little better. Now I had to be assaulted, beaten and sexually disgusted all my childhood. Nobody saw me. No kid should have to live with alcohol in their life. It smells and drunk adults are scary. They still scare me and I don’t like being around drunk people.
Then we go to my expanded experience of alcohol. When I was a kid, my friend had an alcoholic mother. It had a younger brother. The one that raised the kids was really my friend. It took care of the house hold duties and saw to that they had everything they needed. It took care of the little brother. Well. It said that they had to avoid social services, otherwise they would not be able to live with their mum. I respected her choice. I was only 8, how could I understand, really? Her mother sat at the park bench with the other alcoholics. When she wanted to visit her mother we had to got to the park. There they sat. The alcoholics. Instead of being with her kids she prioritized the drugs and her drugged friends. As an adult I think she was an unfit mother. However, my friend turned out to be a good person and doesn’t do drugs herself. But she could have had a better life. A mum that wasn’t drugged. Should a child have to hide that the mother is an addict? That is what she did.
As an adult I think that drunk people to often get unreasonable. Some flirt too much and are too clingy. They get bad manners and behave bad. I really don’t like drunkenness. There is nothing attractive about drugs. None at all.
Okay, let’s stop here. This is how I feel about alcohol. Have to write about the other drugs another time.