No

No is such a lovely and strong word. I wanna use it more. I wanna say no to a lot of things. I am saying no. I need to say no. Right now is a good time to say no. Try. Test it. How does it sound? Next time someone asks you something say: No.

My partner is really good at saying no. It can be to almost anything. Wanna vacum now? No. Wanna go out with the garbage? No. Wanna help your kid with…? No. Wanna give me a kiss? No. Wanna have sex? No. I am suprised it said yes in church. I am suprised I said yes. Why did I do that? Fuck.

I shouldn’t have gotten married. Then I wouldn’t have moved to Stockholm. I would have just commuted til I lost my job and then I would have been back in my hometown. Why didn’t I do that? Because I got married and my partner wanted to live with me in Stockholm. Sigh. So we bought an apartment. That fucking apartment made me stuck in Stockholm even though I had lost my job, because my partner had a job in Stockholm. I wish I would have said no, at least to the apartment. We couldn’t sell it until we had finished it. It was 3 years of renovations. Boring. A unfinished apartment… imagine how long I lived with no electrics in the bathroom… I am ashamed. Haha. Had no money. I was poor. I was … I don’t remember. I always felt a shortage of money in that apartment. I had a ruff economic life in that apartment.

Well. We sold. Imagine that. Got a lot of money. I had lived for free for all those years, that is how much I got. I could also use the money to adopt. So I guess that came with the apartment. The money that is. But I still wish I had said no to the apartment. Would I have had a kid then? Hmmm… maybe the same even… you never know. We don’t know the answers to all questions we wonder about. This is a dilemma. I don’t know the answer. But I wish I would say no more often.

What about you? Do you wanna say no more often? Perhaps the answer is NO? Haha.

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