It gives easy depression to browse job ads, especially when you really don’t want a job. Just the money, not the work tasks, not the people and not the place to work at. Non of it appeals to me, even though I always put my mindset on it, if I do get a job, but all I really wanna do is be in my own wonderful big house with my own big studio, a place by the ocean at my hometown… with a big fat bankaccount and a beautiful body… needless to say I don’t have any of that… haha. Keep on dreamin’. Well. I have applied for boring jobs that I won’t get and I really don’t want. I want to study. But I need money in the check account. I have bills to pay, like any other. They don’t pay themselves. I only have the temp jobs in the spring… and I am really not up for doing that… I don’t wanna be in Stockholm. I don’t wanna commute and use public transfer. I hate Stockholm and most work places are unappealing to me here. I don’t like to live here. I would like to just be a tourist here in the future. I wanna move away, live in a calm place, close to my hometown. By the ocean. Feel the cold Northern wind around my fictional house. Have money enough to create, without worrying about paying invoices, materials, food, fees and so on. Utopia? I don’t know. Depends on circumstances in life. Someone might give me all the money. You never know what the future holds, even though I don’t go around thinking I would get any money just like that. But the possibility I guess is there. Someone might take pitty over me… someone with enough cash… nobody ever cared about me, so I don’t believe in it. Santa ain’t bringing me any happiness this year either. But I don’t expect the world to give me anything. I always have to do everything myself. I have never been able to rely on others to do anything for me. I have to do it myself. I continue my depression applying for shitless bad jobs in Sweden. I don’t want any job.