I’ve been thinking… materialistic me in the 1970’s had it all. New build apartment. Piece of land. Two new cars. Two boats, one for sleeping and one for speeding. A really big bedroom. Hmmm. My parents did the clothes themselves… that feels very hippie…haha. I must have looked different. I had home made clothes. Both my parents can do clothes. But we didn’t go on charter, we only went to my parents country of origin. Since my father worked away from home I’m guessing they didn’t want to travel to much.
My father beat my mother. The Swedish state gives money to children that witnessed beatings. Since this has been in court, I have that evidence that it has happened. Also police reports. So I would get that money most likely. But doing all that work for 7000SEK? No thanks. Who wants that on record? I don’t want the state to write that down. There was an article about it in the papers, that very few kids that witnessed parents abuse had asked for the money. The state have thought it out wrong. We don’t talk about it. It’s much more worse that I got beaten by my former step father continously for anything for a long period. And then abused in my elementary school by my teacher. I don’t even want to talk about all these things. Because of the gestapo society we have. I can talk off the record and on my own record, my blog. Well. I don’t like states documenting, mapping and gathering. I in fact hate it. I don’t think I’m alone thinking I hate states recording, writing, documenting everything. I hate this planet where people are not allowed to have secrets. Why cannot others just accept people want privacy? All this fucking idiot control of integrity everywhere. Where did humanity go wrong? When power was a fact, when someone could rule over many. That is when we started to want to control. That is in fact a long time ago. Control is good when wanting to live in symbiosis with environment. But make laws to support it then, symbiosis with the environment. I am not against control. I am against mapping, documenting everything private. Let us have our privacy. When we delete info, let it be deleted. Simple as that. Fuck yeah.
To get my rights in Sweden I have to give to much info away. In fact the abused child must be abused again. I have to relive it, to tell about it. Do you understand? But I fucking did it, but since everything is documented I asked the doctor not to, but I told the doctor why I want the doctors certificate. I wonder what the doctor thought of this terrible story. And me not wanting it documented in fact. Only on a higher level I allow. I needed to be abused, just so I can have a chance to get my rights. This is Sweden. I cannot understand why society is made this way? I still feel violated and still I don’t know if the state will comply to my rights, because I don’t want my privacy out there? What happens to people affect them. I know this. A short period doesn’t affect as much, but a longer period does. Many times affect a lot. Add over the years for a long period, then it affects much more. I understand why people have issues. I do to.
The abused that get abused over and over again cannot heal in an instant. Perhaps never… just patch the wounds… and live with scars. But states open up the scars again and they start bleeding… Sweden is killing me. My university is killing me… and still they abuse me again… and again… and again.