Counting days

So first day checked. I have done my first day of summer work. I am tired. I was starving when I got home. Feeling nausea because of that. Had to eat and lay down… Now I have a slight head ace. I have been sad after work.

My work is so ironic. I cannot even tell you. If you knew, you would wonder how I feel about it. I don’t know what to feel about it. It affects my whole life. The day went through very fast. The ones I interacted with where nice people. Young. Nice. I don’t know what else to say. Everybody seems nice, but since I only have to much bad experiences I won’t believe in anything until the last day. I will go there. I will do what I have to do, as long as they let me.

I felt bad after work. My partner got me from work, there is no good parking there. My partner asked how I felt about it. This company is working for my partners company, so of course it wanted to know. I said everything went fine, but I still feel bad. I had enormous issues last evening. This is my PTS. I know I would go on sick leave if I told a doctor about these things. Swedish work places have abused me for so many years that I don’t think highly of myself anymore in a regular work space. If I could choose I wouldn’t work. I cannot be in one place for to long. I am used to be tossed away. This is my life. A disappointment from day one to the Swedish society.

I get stressed by working. I feel bad. I get physical symptoms. I think bad thoughts about myself. I cannot take more abuse, I am so scared of being abused. I already dismantle myself from the summer job because of my experiences. . . Sweden and Swedish people are the reason for my PTS.

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