Tired day

Good thing my partner is on vacation and I have no kid to care for. I’ve been sleeping all evening. I did get up but then I felt like puking, took a samarin and went back to sleep. Finally woke up, had to eat, sit by the computer to get tired again. Tomorrow I only have one lecture. Then I am free to attend the home exams I need to do. My class mate was kind enough to bring me the two books I am missing. Very kind. I’ll give them back after the weekend. My partner was lazy and forgot the car. Got a parking ticket for that. We cannot really afford extra costs, but still they happen. In Sweden we have days we cannot park outside on some streets. If you don’t keep track on that you easily forget. You should have a alarm on the phone that reminds you about that.

Well. We are attending a course that is interesting now. I still however don’t feel like I wanna work with this educational field when I complete my education right now. I don’t wanna work in Stockholm at all really. I really don’t like this town.  I really don’t wanna work here ever. I don’t like people that are like “Stockholmare”, but if they are not as “Stockholmare” I might be able to work with them. I just don’t like the stress, the attitudes and being here really.

I changed this text, since circumstances made my practise period different than planned. I had one practise period planned in Stockholm area, but after three days the tutor decided it didn’t want me there. I wasn’t looking forward to being there, at the same time as I did. The teacher had an interesting background. The school was famous, the community was ranked as one of the top 100 in Sweden (high up), just as the community I had my practise period at during autumn. I have been to the “best” towns with the best schools of Sweden… hmmm. I didn’t know that until I saw the statistics. The top ranking cities really. But I didn’t get to be there after all, instead I got to be in my university city during my practise period, which I am glad about, even though the cost and time for travelling wasn’t too fun. I also got another tutor, much better than the planned one. I got a person that retires this year. A lot of knowledge, better experience, not so insecure as the other one was. The other one was pretty recently graduated and insecure as a person. I had much  more didactic competence than the first planned tutor. The new tutor I got was much more experienced and better, which worked better for me. It was a blessing in disguise to get rid of the Stockholm school and insecure tutor. The insecure tutor was a person that smiled and then said something else behind your back. Untrustworthy person really. It was good I started the practise period before the real period started, this ment I couldn’t get failed on the practise period because of that person. They cannot fail you if the practise period officially hasn’t even started. Sure glad I got away from there. They might have thought they ruined my chances to graduate by doing it. The students came from Danderyd and such rich places. I didn’t get to teach any classes, no social interaction. It was very strange that someone decides things above your head and says things about you that ain’t even true. Perhaps the Swedish elite tried to ruin my chances? I am thinking they tried, but they didn’t manage to do that. Fuck ’em. This is what Sweden has, secret decisions behind your back. This is why I have failed on a thesis that was “passed” to go forward with. My thesis was good enough, but someone, friends with Swedish elite, decided to make trouble for me. Don’t ever think everyone treats you fairly. There is much that you do not know about. Clubs for inner admiration. Be a certain way, or otherwise you are not “good enough”. I am not Swedish elite and I am not upper class. I am elite in my mother’s country. I am probably high ranked there, something I can never be in Sweden for the Swedish elite. But we have other elites in Sweden to, parallel communities, so I can choose to make my career there instead. They work and function the same, but have different norms, better for me. The tutor that almost ruined my practise period was surely from an academic family and I wouldn’t say I was. My stepfather’s family is, but not my biological family.

Since I did start my practise period before the “real period”, it didn’t matter that the other school cancelled my practise period. I got to start my practise period the right time anyway, but it made my life more difficult, since I had to be free one week for my other classes. I had no time to just be, no free weekends or days. That has been terrible. I have been really stressed. But I also think it was much better for me to be at the other town, that was not Stockholm, thank God for that. The practise period is completed and I passed the practise period. It will be added to my student records. I am so glad. Win, win, in the end, the other school in Stockholm never got a chance to ruin my future plans. Sure glad for that.

The school during the spring last year, wasn’t a school that would reach the top. I got to have my recent practise period  at the highest ranked school in my university city. What does that mean? How come I got the high ranking cities? It must be due to the elité university I attend. It is as if the elité get the elité. I don’t even tell where I am a student when I seek summer jobs… Would it make a difference? Perhaps for the elité that fall for such things? I don’t know. I don’t. Stockholm university isn’t as “cool”, but my other university, where I have two degrees is considered elité too. I will have five degrees at four universities and colleges, which of two are considered elité. But I am a failure as a person anyway, so my education isn’t much to brag about… since I as a person am faulty on delivery anyway. I don’t find any fit anywhere.

Categories: Tags: , , , , ,