The failed life

We could say that, the failed life, the story of my life. I always have Murphy’s law involved in everything I do. Nothing comes easy. I am not Alexander Lucas, you see. Well. I have no real summer job, working to little really to make a living. Took a student loan a couple of weeks just to sustain over the summer. Then I wanted to add another subject to my education. I applied for my new major, but they said no. They granted me my second major. So now I have my first and second major… I cannot add my third, to little credits in that major, but I have enough in my fourth major… but I don’t know why they said no. I have appealed the decision. I have studied the credits in that subject during this year, since that is what my other university wanted me to do in order to be qualified. So I did. I got the credits last week… got the decision today, don’t know if they had my credits? Did they even look in the computer system? I don’t know. I appealed. Then I have a failed thesis from last semester… that needs attention… but me and the professors at the institution don’t get along… at least not the ones that examine. My tutor and I get along, but that was not enough… I am guessing. Then I got my written exam, it was failed, didn’t get enough points to pass, but that was expected, I afterall didn’t know the answer to one question. Well, anyway. Then my health is like shit. My leg cannot sustain a regular day of work without pain. My lungs need to be medicated everyday… that is so strange. Then on top of that I have something else that also needed medicine for a short while. Hmm. I am not accepted to get a cure for my allergies. I won’t be able to study my education this fall since I lack the few credits to be granted access. Need to apply for dispensation, but cannot do that yet. I am not allowed a-kassa if I get to study in the fall, but have to be registered as unemployed just in case I don’t. Two of my pets are old and sick. Well. My life is always like this and has been all my life. I am so used to it. I sometimes feel like just giving up. Maybe I should just give up. Don’t try to get a new subject, a new education and a job. Maybe I shouldn’t have pets, then I wouldn’t have to worry? Maybe I just shouldn’t exist? Perhaps that is what the universe wants? I wonder sometimes, but I keep trying anyway. I get beaten down, all the time. I have been worked against all my life. You get used to everything. You just don’t give up… even though you would feel that the universe is working against you. Nobody can force you to give up. It is not up to them. It is up to me, to decide. I don’t give up.

I need the following to happen:

Get permission (or dispensation) to study in the fall. Get admission in my new major, so I don’t have to give a fuck about the old one, that I hate. Get granted access to all classes I applied for. See my pets improve their health, at least not get worse. Have no asthma anymore. Get treatment for my allergies without having to give up anything. Have a leg that doesn’t hurt when working. Get enough work as I want everyday all around the clock if I want to. I don’t want to take loans to survive. I don’t want to be registered as unemployed. I want my thesis to have passed state.

But I am not sure the universe wants to give it to me. I don’t expect anything. I just try anyway…